*Iceberg
*Captain Smith*Charles Lightoller (Second officer)
*Sam Collins (Fireman)
*A sea creature
*Frederick Fleet (the lookout)
*A child
Think about where you were at the time of the disaster...
Were you sleeping? On the deck? Having your dinner? Working? Playing games?
What did you see? How did you feel? What did you do? How did you react? What could you smell?
We look forward to reading your accounts and sharing them in class
I was terrifed i could here the people screaming on the titanic.I feel like i can hear the Ice bergs laughing at the ship.And i was sleeping when this all started. I thought it was all a dream until i saw people falling of the ship they and me made a huge mistake going on the ship in the first place
ReplyDeleteKemdia,
DeleteYour writing is very descriptive! We love the way you have used excellent WOW words such as; screaming, huge, terrified.
What a fantastic way to describe the evil icebergs- you used personification! Well done.
*Kajus says "Remember to always write I as a capital letter when its on its own
*Y3A also thought it would be a good ideas for you to use different sentence openers.
Well done Kemdia, we look forward to reading your improvements :-)
Miss Alexander and Y3A
I felt very alarmed. I was playing a game with my friends when all this started. I could hear people shouting and screaming as they fell off the ship. I am lucky that I survived. Those people made a gigantic mistake going on the Titanic.
ReplyDeleteA good start Ellie,
DeleteYou have used lots of good adjectives, could you vary your sentence openers so that you are not always beginning with 'I'?
Who is your character?
Miss A
A child called Emma.
DeleteMiss Alexander I am going to try to use less I s in my work. Here it is.
DeleteA child. This all started when I was playing with my friends. In my room I was playing and all of a sudden there was a gigantic BANG! We all were saying " what is that ??!!" At that moment my dad came into my room and said"we are sinking we have hit an ice burg!!!!" that second Chloe my friend started to scream . I glanced out of the window, I saw people falling out of the Titanic ship. I felt alarmed. Luckily we +our friends got a boat. When I found out that more than 1,500 people died me and my family agreed to never ever go on a boat trip again.
Ellie, that is a much improved wonderful emotive description. Very well done. *1 merit*. You are a superstar for going back and improving your writing.
DeleteMiss Alexander
I was in bed having a nap when I heard a big BANG. I fell off my bed onto the floor and heard lots of screaming and shouting. I looked around but I could not see my family. "Mummy, Daddy" I screamed. Then I saw my parents running towards me. Dad picked me up and gave me a piggy back. We were very lucky to escape this horrific disaster.
ReplyDeleteWOW Afi!!! This is wonderful, I love that you have used dialogue, onomatopoeia and varied some of your sentence openers. A good effort *1 merit*
DeleteI was petrified that I can hear people screaming and shouted in agony. BANG!!! there was a loud sound outside the titanic, it was sinking! as Frederick Fleet saw an Iceburg ahead. Women and children went inside the boats and got there oars so they can row the boat, sadly only some people died. But my parents and me were lucky to escape this atonishing disaster
ReplyDeleteBy: Alizay Class: Y3a
Alizay- you have made good use of a variety of punctuation well done!
Delete*Remember to keep your tenses consistent e.g. screaming and shouted should be 'screaming and shouting'. Have a look through your work and ensure that it is all in the past tense e.g. can should be 'could'.
I look forward to reading it again- great work.
Miss A
I am Frederick Fleet (The lookout). At the time I was looking out for anything suspicious and I saw something that I haven’t seen before, it was an iceberg. I shouted to the captain “Turn, Turn there’s an iceberg!” The captain swung into action trying to turn the ship but it was to late, we were going to crash, I could hear the scraping noise so clearly, “This is a disaster, we are going to sink”. I could hear people panicking down below. The back of the ship was already underwater. I luckily managed to get a seat in one of the lifeboats. I looked back at the ship and saw people throwing them self’s into the water, it was a horrific sight.
ReplyDeleteSafiya, you have clearly spent a lot of time writing this. Plus, you have used lots of punctuation and dialogue!! Super. I love all the excellent words you have used (suspicious, panicking, disaster, 'swung into action)- perhaps you could transfer them to our magpie wall!
DeleteVery well done *1 merit*
Miss A
I was in the Titanic, having fun with friends I heard a gigantic bang. I was terrified that I could hear blameless people cry and scream. Suddenly people started to jump out in to life boats. My family and friends got together and luckily got out from the Titanic. I could see people thrown away by powerful and force water. It was a massive disaster I've ever seen in my life.
ReplyDeleteGreat used of sentence openers Sureka. How did you feel?
DeleteFrederick Fleet. It was a terrible night . When I woke up,I went to the dock and suddenly I saw something in the distance, something white, something gigantic. I shouted to the captain if he could turn the lights on and he did. We realized it was a huge iceberg! We tried to warn everyone but it didn't work, because they were ignoring us. We were lucky that the alarms went off, but sadly some people didn't survive! Me and my family were very lucky to survive.
ReplyDeleteWow Kajus, you have created suspense in your writing by describing the iceberg before telling the reader what it is! This is an excellent way of using commas. A super emotive account of the titanic disaster. *1 merit*
DeleteMiss A
It was a sunny day when me and my friend were playing on the Titanic. It was really fun! Everyone was enjoying the trip to America on the enormous boat. But, it was getting late, so our parents told us to go to sleep. Then… the most terrifying thing happened to all the people on the Titanic. I was so horrified and so was everybody else! The boat hit an iceberg and started to sink!!! Suddenly, the windows were breaking and the water furiously came in. Everybody was running in all directions looking for a way to escape. My mum and dad said to me “Don’t worry and listen carefully. We have to go to the top and get into a lifeboat” and so we did.
ReplyDeleteIt was so sad… We were in the lifeboat, but everywhere around I could see all the frozen bodies of the people who didn’t survive. I just couldn’t look down. It was so spooky and it made me shiver all over. We looked how the Titanic sunk, but luckily some people came to save us and we had to go urgently to the hospital. Eventually me and my mum and dad were ok and we all promised to never ever go on a boat trip ever again.
Cosmina, you have thought super carefully about the emotive language and your description is clear and thought provoking. I love that you have used a variety of punctuation, we should print some of these out for our new story corner!!!
DeleteYour account has inspired me! Well done, super writing. *1 merit*
Miss A
Cosmina, this is Ricky. This is a really good story. The Titanic crashed into an iceberg and started sinking but there was not a lot of life boat. I have never been in a boat ride. How did you know in the story the Titanic crashed into a iceberg?
DeleteIt was a terrible night . When I woke up,I went to the deck and suddenly I saw something in the distance, something white, cossal. I shouted to the captain if he could turn the lights on and he did. We realized it was a huge iceberg! We tried to warn everyone but it didn't work, because they were ignoring us because they were fast asleep and snoring. But sadly some people didn't survive! Me and my family were very lucky to survive.
ReplyDeleteThe beginning of your account is extremely descriptive, it creates suspense and makes me wonder what is in the distance! Super Akhil- how did you feel when you saw the iceberg?
Delete*1 merit*
Miss A
I felt terrfied
DeleteI was on my Ds suddenly i heard a big bang! I was horrified of what i saw at the same determind to know what was going on i found out it was an iceberg i day dreamed that the iceberg was a big selfish bully.I warned evryone but they did not pay attention to me i panickedd my heart thumped 8 extra beats as we got closer and closer my heart thumped more and more. Finally we got close enough to realise that we were going to crash they got out mini boats in the water me and my family pushed our way to the mini boats over 1,500 people died including some of my freinds i sobbed all the way back to southhamton.
ReplyDeleteNokuthula, you have clearly done your research and are aware of the different ports the titanic stopped at.
DeleteI love the analogy that the iceberg is a big bully and your heart beating 8 extra beats, how emotive!
Do you think the children had Nintendo DSs in the early 1900s? *Remember to always use a capital I when using it on its own
*1 merit*
Miss Alexander
I am a young boy standing at the edge of the Titanic ship, thinking if I should jump into the icy water.
ReplyDelete"NO" shouted my brother, "YOU CAN'T SWIM" he screamed.
It was freezing cold and looking at icebergs made me shiver even more.
My brother held me tight and we both climbed into lifeboat number 5, and watched the titanic sink into the water like a giant whale in slow motion.
We rowed to safety and prayed for all th people who were not so lucky.
Alex, this is a beautifully written account. Superstar!
DeleteYou have used dialogue, punctuation, similies, capital letters for effect.
I could really imagine the two little boys- well done. *1 merit*- keep up this excellent work!
I am still a little girl,but after i saw the pictures with Titanic and mom told me the story of this beautiful ship,i imagined that i am there and enjoy the deck,the pool,and play games with other children.im still little and don t think a tragedy can happened.i have dreams....but also there was broken dreams and broken wings.when we will pass near the big iceberg will see only ice stars and everyone will be happy.the journey will have a happy end,and everyone will be happy to tell the persons they love the most impressions during the trip on this gorgeaus ship.
ReplyDeleteTeodora, a very poetic account!
DeleteA lovely piece of writing- *1 merit*
Well done 3A your writing is amazing, I will be reading all your wonderful writing to 3CH this week. You are all superstars!!! Mrs Cheek :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Mrs Cheek!
DeleteI have just woken up I heard a noise. I did not know what it was. I saw water on the ground I did not know where my mum was. I panicked, but I told my brother I think we should get out of the room. Somebody told me
ReplyDeletethat we crashed into an iceberg. There was only one space left in the lifeboat. I told my brother I would be fine and told him to get in. I found my mum she didn't get on a life boat either. I was glad to see her. 'Quick' she said. 'There is another lifeboat.'Water was starting to come up to our chest. Mum grabbed my hand. And we both swam hard to the life boat. We made it and waited in the boat until we were rescued.
Excellent Mikkel- you also used dialogue!
Delete*1 merit*
I was terrified when I crashed into an iceberg . Inside I was playing chess with my friends. I am very lucky to stay alive .
ReplyDeleteReuben, a good start. Could you please be a little more descriptive about what happened to your character?
DeleteI always sleep late at night. when I was going to bed, I heard a sound, I thought captain Smith was there but it wasn't him then I looked here and there I couldn't see anything because it was dark. Somebody turned on the switch and it was a huge ice burg. The sea creature was destroying the Titanic ship. The boat hit an Ice burg and started sinking. It was a disaster.Some people jumped into the sea and saved themselves but some couldn't and I was lucky to save myself. I would never wish to trip in boat again.
ReplyDeleteI especially like your concluding sentence Harshil!
DeleteWell done
I was having a rest with my family after a very busy day in the ship. When I heard a big bang outside the ship. We were all shocked to discovered what was happening.
ReplyDeleteCaptain Smith has seen a sea creature moving the ship towards a gigantic iceberg.
Charles Lightoller tried to keep the people inside the ship calm by explaining to them that help is on its way.
The ship was sinking and I was thinking to my self "What r we going to do?" "Are we going to survive this?"
I remember seeing a child who was separated from his family, and he was crying and screaming in fear and when I turned to see to this boy i could see that he was my brother.
I was sad and happy at the same time,sad because we last my brother and happy at the same time because we found him.
My wish is for this never to happen in the first place and I hope I never see a day like this ever again.
Very happy and glad all of this is over and this never happened to me because I was dreaming somehow I when to sleep while i was having a rest with my family after a long and busy day.
I love how you have included all the historical figures from the disaster Adonis, wonderful.
DeleteAn emotive account, well done.
*1 merit*
Now some of these stories bout the titanic nearly make me cry! Well done 3A. SUPER STARS! It was the same for my class (3C) has been doing the same thing about the Titanic! I wonder if they can do it again! I love it when 3A, 3CH and my class doing excellent work on the blog.
ReplyDeleteJaime